Overwhelming Success for Solopreneurs

Who do you think you aren't?

That’s not a typo in the title.

I’m asking you to pause for a minute or more (given how much we introverts like to reflect), and ask yourself: "Who am I not?” Make a list of 10-20 attributes and/or personality traits that are not you. For example, I told myself for many years (and still do) that I am not an athlete or athletic, as I have been overweight and slow my entire life (also a little clumsy).

Look over your list. You have just identified your perceived limitations! They hold you back; prevent you from reaching your goals (you DO have specific goals, right?) or even stop you from attempting certain objectives.

The limitation usually takes the form of this belief: “I can’t do X because I’m not Y.” (Where X is the desired objective and Y is the attribute you are not.) This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You believe you can’t do X so you don’t try, or you attempt it half-heartedly and give up at the first sign of difficulty or lack of progress. So you don’t get X and you now have “proof” that you “can’t.”

If you want to overcome a perceived limitation (remember you don’t have to if you don’t want to), here’s what you can do:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the limitation you currently hold.
2. Accept it; make it OK to believe this for now. This is also known as “Meet yourself where you are.”
3. Now start questioning your belief. Is this really true? Who says? Any exceptions?
4. Start playing with definitions and meaning for the attribute; expand your possibilities for success.
5. Do X anyway. I’m going to start sounding like a broken record, but action goes a long way in helping you shatter your limitation myths. The trick here is to not give up too soon.

To use my example from above, I once believed I could not participate in group long-distance competitive events such as triathlons and century rides, because “I am not an athlete.” In fact, I entered my first triathlon (in my 40s) because I thought that if I actually completed it, I would finally “feel” fit and athletic; that I would start perceiving myself as an athlete.

I picked a triathlon because, at the time, it appeared to be well out of my reach. I did not expect to win; nor did I expect to place within my age group. I expanded my possibilities for success by deciding that a win for me was to finish the event. All I had to do was to enter and not drop out. I finished, not last, but at the very back of the pack.

I did a few more triathlons in the years following, and then switched to bike events (easier on the joints). I’m fit, but still overweight, still slower than most, and still occasionally enjoying these types of events in my own plodding-but-determined style.

Guess what? I still don’t see myself as an athlete, but what I learned is: It does not matter whether I think I am an athlete or not. I did what I set out to do anyway. You can too. I know you can.

Just focus on what you want, set your limitations aside as best you can, and DO IT.

Do it your way, at your pace. Who says it has to be any other way?

Ignore the labels

I read some advice from a business coach that really ticked me off: it advised coaches to “stop hiding behind your telephone and computer…” OK, so perhaps I am being oversensitive, because I do spend a lot of time in front of my computer and I prefer coaching by phone. The thing is, I am not hiding!  I spend the bulk of my business time on the computer because:

1) I like it.

2) I am not limited by geography – I can connect to someone on any continent.

3) It’s where I expect to “find” a lot of the people I want to serve: fellow introverts who aren’t too keen on attending large group events.

So it makes sense to me to do things the way I do them. My business model makes sense to me.

As for the telephone, heck, if I had things my way I would hardly ever use it – I like email better. I like the asynchronous functionality of email. In other words, as an introvert I really appreciate and prefer a communication medium where I can see (I’m a visual learner) rather than hear what a person has to say, and where I have the opportunity to read it, process it and compose a reply in my own time.

Email vs Telephone

I have coached clients both over the telephone and via email, and I have not yet decided what is the optimal medium of the two. I would say it depends on both the particular client and the particular issue(s). There are times when email is too cumbersome, where I need to have that “dance” with the client in real time. There are times when the client needs support or has a quick question and can’t get the privacy or time to make a phone call.

Live and In Person

That said, I do see a benefit of delivering coaching in person for those clients and those situations where it better serves the client. I plan to offer some retreats in the future, just for that purpose. In planning the retreats I will keep in mind who I serve: introverts, so it will be either one-on-one or very small groups.

My point: I’ve noticed that introverts, by following their own preferences, get mislabeled. Hiding is one such label I’m tired of hearing. Yes our preferences can result in our being overlooked or not noticed – but that does not mean we don’t wish to be discovered! (Well some of us don't, but many of us do). Rather than change your behavior, I suggest you find creative ways to get noticed, ways that work with your introvert preferences. (As I discover such creative ways, I’ll be sharing them with you – it’s a work-in-progress for me also).

So are you hiding or are you being your introvert self? Only you know the answer to that one. Can you do your thing effectively in a manner that makes sense to you? If so, carry on and ignore the labels.  Live your life so that it makes sense to YOU!

Your Thoughts

So my fellow introverts, what do you think? What are your experiences? Do you find that you have to extrovert to get noticed? Do you extrovert and feel inauthentic at the same time? Are you perfectly comfortable with your introversion (as I am) but tired of reading advice that tells you that you need to be someone who you are not? How do you like your coaching delivered: email, phone, in-person? Please share by writing a comment.

Entrepreneurial Strategies for the Introvert in You

Note from Joanne: I've invited Patricia Weber (a fellow coach, fellow INTJ and one of my role models) to share some business tips specifically for the introverted entrepreneur. As introverts we have some challenges unique to our temperament. Pat has a wealth of knowledge and years of experience working with introverts in their business challenges. When I have a question or want some advice, she's the first one I turn to, and I am honored to be included in her circle of colleagues.  Read on, implement, and enjoy:

Save Time and Effort

Imagine you plan a trip from your home to another part of the country. You’ll travel something like New York City to Seattle. Do you think you would select just one route? I know I never do. There are things I need to consider: Would it be better to drive or fly? If driving, how can I get in other visits? If flying, what are the connections? Just like there are many ways to travel from one place to another, there are many ways to entrepreneurial success as well. Oh certainly, there are some foundational basics. But as an introvert, to find that route, the best coach or marketing system or online strategy, we want to travel with less frustration and an easier go of success.

1. Seek balance. For years in corporate America my sales and marketing training was mostly an extroverted approach combined with a time when “assert your self” was a marching slogan. My personal introvert style is assertive anyway yet a problem in the approach was little balance. It was 4 to 6 hours of cold calling a day, followed by a happy hour with the sales team, ending on a Friday with an even longer happy hour. It was exhausting. It was out of balance. If you want a fast track to push yourself in ways you might never do on your own, it’s possible an extrovert business strategy is just the kick you need. Just check in with yourself first.
2. Avoid “cookie cutter.” If you were making cookies to celebrate Halloween, would you pull out the cookie cutters for Christmas trees and angels? If any “system” looks like it’s a cookie cutter with promises that this is “the” system for everyone, then run the other way. While some tactics to marketing are fundamental, the strategies will need to be different, even tailored, for a company, product and people. Almost all offerings these days offer some preview. Take your time, get past some of the marketing hype and again, feel or see how the ideas resonate with the introvert in you.
3. Check for farmer or hunter. In marketing and sales, introverts are more like what Joe Nunziata calls farmers: we develop relationships over time. You might meet a number of people and then make a decision about which relationships both can add more value and get value for you. This is contrary to the approach of the hunter: go from one sale to the next in record time. If the sales style of the “one best” business system sounds like it might not have the right focus for you, you’ve probably just been caught in a hunt style program.

Introverts know energy. Hearing one size fits all is a first clue it’s may just take your energy away or not give you more. Why? Because traveling only one way doesn’t mean it’s the way for you.

When you think about a coach, a marketing system or some business strategy to help your entrepreneurial business, use your analytical introvert strength to find what will:

• Give you balance
• Suit your style
• Support your farming nature

Then whether you drive or fly you’ll know which route is the best for you.

Be sure to check out Pat's latest ebook: Debunking Negative Introvert Myths: Bringing Your Introvert Strengths to the Party. This (affiliate) link will take you to a page where a FREE 32-page excerpt is available, so you can try before you buy. BTW Yours truly is mentioned in the excerpt!

Comments are always welcome. Did you find the post useful? Would you like to see more guest posts? What's your challenges as an introverted professional?

Who do you know, like & trust?

One advantage of having a virtual business is that you are not geographically bound in terms of reach, or in terms of service delivery. One disadvantage is that it can be more difficult to establish that "know, like & trust" factor that is essential for gaining customers.  I've heard it and read it from many sources: "people do business with those they know, like, and trust." Hmmm, makes sense to me.

Enter me, relatively new business owner who loves coaching and would love to have many more clients eager to be coached by me. Add my natural reserve, introversion (not the same thing as shyness, but that's another post topic), and marketing reluctance and what do you get? You get a good coach who almost no one knows about!

Well I decided to do something about that. I decided to start "showing up" in my business. I'll never be a social butterfly but I can be authentic (it's really too much work to be anything but) and I can become more transparent. So here goes:

Michelle Ward, a  gifted coach herself, offered to interview anyone who volunteered, five questions. I thought this would be a great opportunity to let people get to know me better, so I pounced on it. You can read her post here.  Read on below for my own interview:

Michelle: If you could assign a word to 2009, what would it be?
Joanne: This one was easy to answer, because I already chose a word: Implement! As an information junkie, I collect information. I enjoy reading and researching, seeking. I'm what some people call a life-long learner.  There's nothing wrong with that, but as 2008 drew to a end, I noticed that I had so many ideas and to dos, books to read, information in my head, but very little to show for it. Instead of doing anything, I wanted to learn more about it. In my past corporate life, I had earned a reputation for "getting things done" and I recalled that was because I acted while others just talked about it. And as a coach I know the importance of action. So I realized that if I waited until I learned everything before I implement, then I would never get anything done, because there is always more to learn. So I'm not going to stop learning or seeking information; but I am, for this year, focusing on implementing what I have already learned.

Michelle: What led you to coaching, and what keeps you there?
Joanne: I read a description of coaching (I don't remember where or when) and I said two things to myself: 

a) "That sounds like what I've been doing with my friends and colleagues for years, just by being myself. People seem to just come to me for this without me doing anything out of the ordinary."

b) "You mean to tell me people get paid for doing this?  Sounds like a lot more fun than crunching numbers all day."

What keeps me there (in spite of marketing challenges, etc): It just feels like it is what I was meant to do, what I was gifted for. This is my quiet, intuitive voice speaking, and for once I intend to listen to it. [Actually I intend to listen to my intuition 100% from now on, but this is a work in progress. Thinking mind/fear sometimes shouts it down -- but I am improving] Also I noticed physical improvement once I started coaching: less tension, sleeping better, etc. Your body speaks also, as I am learning very quickly. [Yet another work in progress, listening to my body]

Michelle: What's in your Brilliant Ideas/To Do Someday notebook?
Joanne: Ooh you got me there. It's one thing to write it in my private Brilliant Ideas notebook, another to list them here, where just anyone can see them! Suddenly I start to wonder if these ideas are brilliant after all, and listing them here adds just a little bit more accountability. Michelle, you are quite the clever coach, aren't you? I'll list a few items here:

a) Get on Oprah as a guest, not an audience member, to talk about my coaching and how it's the best thing since sliced bread and then have clients begging to hire me so that I have a full practice and waiting list. Hmm, maybe that should be a genie wish, not a to do, because this is something that is not totally within my control. But oh well, I'm including it here.

b) Raft the entire Colorado river (or more precisely the entire portion that runs through the Grand Canyon) with my husband. I rafted the lower half when I was single, and always wanted to come back and do the entire trip with someone I loved, who also likes outdoor adventures.

c) Write a book about ______________ [I haven't chosen the topic yet].Guess I haven't figured out exactly where my brilliance resides.

d) Completely organize my office, bedroom closet and bathroom. Find a place for everything, and throw out all the old, ill-fitting, obsolete stuff.

e) Create a fantastic spa retreat with just the right combination of structured time and alone time, workshops and exercises that really help participants move forward, spa services (of course) all delivered with my unique combination of wisdom, calm support, enthusiasm, insight, and playfulness. Package it in a way that makes it almost irresistible. Offer this retreat annually as my signature event.

f) Create a product or workshop on "Fun with public speaking" because so many people dread public speaking.

g) Come up with time management system/tips that really work.

h) Find a way to serve multiple niches (because I love all of these): introverts, outdoor adventure lovers, hedonists. Probably not a surprise to anyone, but I consider myself as belonging to all three niches.

i) Learn enough about EFT and NLP so that I can use those techniques to further help my clients empower themselves.

j) Go to every place listed in 1000 Places to See Before You Die.

k) Go to culinary school (not because I like to cook, but because I love to eat really good food).

Michelle: If you had a genie grant you 3 wishes, what would they be?
Joanne: Hah! I used to answer this question as a kid in a smart-alecky way: first wish would be that I get more than 3 wishes! Second wish: that I go to bed one night and when I wake up in the morning I am 60-70 pounds lighter, perfectly muscled-toned and can maintain that weight effortlessly. Yes, I will admit it; I am lazy. Third wish: absolute and utter freedom to whatever I want, whenever I want, and the resources (be it money, time or talent) to do it. Bottom line: I am an unapologetic hedonist at heart.

Michelle: What advice would you have given to yourself 10 years ago?
Joanne: OK ten years ago was February, 1999. It's difficult to remember what I had already figured out about life and what I still needed to learn, back then. Here's what I would have benefited from hearing then, give or take a few years:

a) Stop trying to figure out what men want and how to please them! Ask yourself what you want out of life, and who you would like to share that with. Then just go after what you want, and the right man will find you. And if he doesn't, his loss! [And sure enough, the right man came along later that same year]

b)No one is going to live your life 100% of the time but YOU. So make sure you like your life. You don't need anyone's approval, permission or validation to be who you are, so stop waiting for it, and stop looking for it.

c) Emotions are morally neutral. There is no right or wrong to them. You feel the way you feel. No need to judge yourself on what you are feeling. No need to justify to others how you are feeling.

d) Don't tell yourself can't when you really mean have not yet been able to. [one of my personal favorite words of wisdom]. Along the same lines, don't say can't when you mean won't. There is power in the won't.

e) Thank your mind for its nimbleness, but don't let it overpower your gut. Trust your gut. It knows, even when it can't articulate like your mind can.

f) Comparing yourself to others will never ever make you happy or satisfied. So stop it! Right now!

g) When you can't figure out why you do the things you do, look for the payoff. There is always a payoff. Then find another way to satisfy the need the old behavior was satisfying.

h) Persist. It takes as long as it takes.

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but WORDs can really stop me

I choose my words carefully. Always have, always will. It's part of my personality, but beyond that, I've realized how the words you use can really propel you towards success, OR get in your way.  As a coach, I often hear two words from my clients that set off alarm bells (well it's not quite that dramatic, but you get the idea): can't and should.

 I Can't...

What this phrase really means: 

• I can not
• I am physically unable to
• It is impossible

Phrases that may describe your situation more accurately:

• I have not been able to yet
• I'm not willing to
• I don't want to
• I don't know how to
  
• I'm too scared to
  

See the difference?  If you believe the first list, no wonder you have trouble succeeding.  Can you also see how choosing the relevant phrase from the second list points to a solution or course of action?  Here's an example:  as a solo entrepreneur, you wish to increase market exposure through public speaking.  But you tell yourself: "I can't give a speech!"  This stops you in your tracks.  Instead, what if you tell yourself "I'm too scared to give a speech." This would suggest your next course of action would be to find courses or workshops that address fear of public speaking (or join Toastmasters, as I did). Or, perhaps you need to acknowledge that you are really not willing to give a speech (I'm a big proponent for doing what you want to do). This acknowledgment allows you to move on and consider alternate ways to increase market exposure.

I Should...

What this phrase really means:

• I must
• I am compelled to
• I have to
• I am morally obligated to
• I need to

Phrases that may describe your situation more accurately:

• I want to
• I choose to
• It would benefit me to
• Someone is expecting me to
• It would satisfy me to
• It would satisfy others to

The thing with should is that, if you fail to question your "shoulds" you often find yourself doing things, pursuing goals, that don't serve you.  In other words, wasting your time and energy that could be directed elsewhere. When you find yourself saying or thinking a "should," ask yourself the two magic questions:

1. Who says I should? (If the answer is anyone other than yourself, do you agree with the person who says "you should")
2. Why? (What result am I aiming for?)

Action Steps

I am a fan of experiential learning, and as a coach, I haven't done my job if I have not inspired you to action.  All the knowledge and street smarts in the world won't do you a bit of good if you don't implement it!  So try these action steps to see for yourself the power of words:

1. During the next seven days of reading this, catch yourself using can't or should in your conversation, writing, or thinking.  This can be difficult on your own, so you can also ask a spouse, friend, coach, or counselor to help you. 
2. During your quiet time, reflection time, or journaling time (and if you don't have such a time, you should, I mean, it would benefit you to establish a time), go over the suggested phrases; ask yourself the magic questions. 
3. Choose the phrase (or better yet, come up with your own wording) that accurately describes your situation. Restate your thought with this new language.  It helps to write the new statement down, even if you originally spoke it or thought it only.
4. Observe (and note, if you keep a journal) any changes that result. For example, did you get any new ideas on how to handle a problem? Did you decide to "let go" of a few time-wasting activities? Did you get unstuck?

Let me know how this worked for you!  Did you find this post helpful? If not, what would have been more helpful? Provide feedback by submitting a comment.